Have you ever had the urge 
To tell someone everything about you? 
To learn everything about them 
As you hold each other close? 
To tell them your dreams and aspirations 
Your fears and insecurities 
Your values and morals 
As you listen to theirs, too? 
Have you ever felt the urge 
To give yourself to someone 
Knowing you can never fill all their needs 
Nor can they yours? 
The urge to risk your emotions 
For a chance to be together 
To see if you want each other 
In your lives indefinitely? 
I know 
I’m too old to be this hopelessly romantic 
I’m also terrified — of being hurt 
And of hurting someone else 
I qualify myself a lot 
Giving myself reasons to back out 
Or to acquiesce if I’m “dismissed” 
Holding myself to absurd standards of perfection 
Or maybe I self-sabotage 
Get in my own way subconsciously 
To give them a way out? 
I don’t know 
I don’t even know 
If I know how to love anymore 
If I ever did to begin with 
Maybe I was just emulating and projecting 
I have ideas of what “love” is 
This socially constructed word 
That somehow encompasses 
A wide spectrum of emotions and desires 
I know that love is “patient” and “kind” 
That it’s “not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude” 
I know that love “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” 
At least, that’s what I believe 
I believe “love never ends” 
And that when you love someone 
Deep down, you always will 
Even if you don’t want to admit it 
I’m too old to be this hopelessly romantic 
Or maybe I’m lying to myself 
To tell myself that I do know how to love 
I’m still terrified 
Of being hurt and hurting someone else 
But that’s a risk I’m willing to take 
As long as we take it together

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *